


Death Panic

by 0Melting_Angels0



Series: Connor and Hank [8]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Adorable Connor, Angst and Feels, Best Friends, Connor Deserves Happiness, Developing Friendships, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotions, Epic Friendship, Family, Family Bonding, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Family Issues, Feels, Friendship, Hank Being Awesome, Male Friendship, Missing Scene, Other, Poor Connor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 15:11:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14896914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0Melting_Angels0/pseuds/0Melting_Angels0
Summary: “Are you afraid to die, Connor?” Hanks one question changed everything for the android. Was he afraid? Could he even feel fear?





	Death Panic

**Author's Note:**

> So I felt that the options on the ‘The Bridge’ chapter could have done with being a bit more in depth. And thus, this fic was born. 
> 
> As always, it is a strictly Father/Son platonic friendship between Connor and Hank. 
> 
> Please enjoy.

As he stepped out of the car, Connor felt the cold air hit him instantly- a deathly chill that sunk deep into his skin. Shivering, he brought his arms around himself, in an attempt to stave off the cold. 

Looking all around at the gentle snowfall, he found a strange beauty in the freezing weather- the snow and ice illuminated by the neon lights of the city in the distance. Smiling slightly, Connor refocused on Hank. 

The grouchy Lieutenant had taken a seat on a park bench nearby, a case of beer beside him. Hearing his partner crack open one of the bottles, Connor stepped closer, until he came to stand beside the bench. Hank barely even noticed Connors prescience- only sparing the android a quick glance before he returned to gazing at the beer bottles in his hand. 

Concerned, Connor went to speak up, only to be stopped as Hank spoke instead. 

“Nice view, huh?” Hank spoke simply. “I used to come here alot, before…”

When the Lieutenant’s voice tailed off, leaving the man with a sombre expression, Connor frowned- concerned. Thinking hard, he looked around them, taking in the children's park that made up their surroundings. As he took it all in, Connor pieced everything together. 

Hank had lost his son in a way that still deeply affected him, and given their surroundings, when the Lieutenant said before…he was referring to when he'd bring Cole. Before the child's untimely death. 

“Before he passed away.” Connor finally spoke, albeit cautiously. 

“How the hell did you-” Hank turned round to face Connor. 

“While I was waiting for you earlier, I found a photo of a child. On the kitchen table.” Connor explained. 

As the Lieutenant looked away, deep in thought, Connor spoke again. 

“I'm sorry if I upset you, Lieutenant.” Connor remained calm. “That was not my intention.”

Hank looked down, but tightened his grip on the beer bottle. 

“Maybe I ought to change the subject.” Connor realised. 

It was clear that his relationship with Hank hadn't quite evolved enough for the Lieutenant to reveal the details of his son's death. Regretting bringing the subject to light, Connor went to speak- but again found Hank beating him to it. 

“His name was Cole.” Hank took a deep breath. “But you already knew that, didn't you?”

“I did.” Connor smiled slightly. 

A moment passed in awkward silence, before Hank steadily began draining the beer bottle, drinking it down quickly in a manner that reflected his inner desperation. 

“You should stop drinking, Lieutenant.” Connor kept his voice calm. “It could have serious consequences for your health.”

“That's the idea.” Hank smiled sadly, before taking another swig from the bottle. 

“Why are you so determined to harm yourself?” Connor asked quietly. 

“Because there are some things I just can't forget.” Hank took another gulp of beer. “Whatever I do, they're always there. Eating away at me.”

“Lieutenant-” Connor was growing increasingly concerned. 

“I don't have the guts to pull the trigger.” Hank continued. “So I kill myself a little every day.”

The heartbreaking words quickly sunk in with Connor, and suddenly all of the man's erratic behaviour made sense. Meals filled with sugar and cholesterol. Drinks of every kind. His tendency to play Russian Roulette. 

He knew of Hank’s suicidal tendencies, but hearing the man confirm it all made Connor…sad. 

An emotion he shouldn't have been able to feel. 

“That's probably difficult for you to understand, huh Connor?” Hank looked up, eyes full of despair. “Nothing very rational about it.”

Unsure of what to say, Connor stepped forward, folding his arms as he examined the night sky. After a moment of staring into the starry abyss, he turned to look back at Hank, who seemed to be watching him intently. 

“I know what depression is.” Connor finally spoke. “But you are right, Lieutenant. I could never truly understand how you feel.”

“Benefits of being an android. You don't have to feel anything.” Hank shrugged. “You don't feel anything, do you, Connor?”

“I'm…unsure of what you're trying to say.” Connor tilted his head slightly. 

“Do you? Feel nothing?” Hank pursued, placing his empty beer bottle on the bench beside him. 

“I was designed not to feel emotion, yes.” Connor nodded. 

“That's what Cyberlife programmed you to say.” Hank rose to his feet. “What do you feel?”

“I don't…feel…anything.” Connor frowned. 

“Really?” Hank took a step forward. “You felt something back there. At the Eden Club.”

Avoiding the Lieutenant's gaze, Connor exhaled slowly, though he knew the motion was effectively useless. With a billion thoughts running literally and figuratively through his head, the android struggled to find words. 

“You could have shot those two girls.” Hank pursued. “But you didn't.” 

“I…” Connor turned to face Hank properly. 

“Why, Connor?” Hank asked. 

“I…don't know.” Connor exhaled slowly again. 

“See, I think you do.” Hank took another step forward. 

“I just…couldn't. I saw them holding hands…and I couldn't pull the trigger.” Connor realised.

“You couldn't?” Hank smirked. 

“I…” Connor stuttered, unable to process what he was feeling. 

“Maybe you saw yourself in them.” Hank took another step forward. 

A moment passed in silence, with neither of them knowing what to say, before Hank spoke up. As the Lieutenant reached into his back pocket, and pulled out his handgun, Connor could have sworn he felt a chill run down his spine. 

“Are you afraid to die, Connor? Maybe that's why you didn't shoot them.” Hank levelled his gun with Connors forehead. 

“I…” Connor swallowed nervously. 

As a warning popped up in the back of his mind, indicating a rise in software instability, Connor found himself unable to form words. All of his original programming, everything he had ever known, was being replaced by new and alarming emotions. Feeling overwhelmed by it all, he stepped backwards slightly- a move that surprised both him and Hank. A strange new emotion swelled within Connor. 

“Lieutenant…” Connor finally spoke up. 

“What would happen if I pulled the trigger?” Hank pursued. “Nothing? Oblivion? Android heaven?”

As the words echoed in his head, Connor realised with a jolt just what emotion he was feeling. 

Fear. 

“Nothing…” Connor unfolded his arms.

“Nothing, huh?” Hank looked intrigued. 

“Please…” Connor raised his hands in surrender, tears beginning to form in his eyes. “Don't shoot.”

He was telling the truth. There would be nothing. Sure, his memories would be implanted in a new body, but it wouldn't really be him. He'd be missing everything he'd truly felt. All the new emotions would be replaced by new code. As all those thoughts and more entered his mind, Connor found himself stunned, as silent tears began rolling down his face. 

“Fuck.” Hank lowered his gun. 

As soon as the weapon was no longer pointed at his head, Connor stumbled backwards until his back hit the barrier fencing off the river. More overwhelmed than ever, he slid down to the ground- sitting down as he moved his hands up to touch his face. When he felt the tears, Connor felt an artificial breath catch in his throat. 

“Connor?” Hank's voice snapped Connor out of his thoughts. 

Looking up at the Lieutenant, Connor found himself still unable to form words- and instead found an odd panic building within himself. As his artificial breaths quickened, he looked down at his tear stained hands, and was alarmed to find them shaking intensely. Feeling fresh tears flow down his face, Connor forced himself to look upwards. He was surprised to find that he was not met by an expression of anger or disdain, but was instead met by one of genuine concern. 

As Hank knelt down in front of him, Connor struggled to gain control over the shaking that was slowly spreading over his body. He had no idea what he was truly feeling, past the fear. And that terrified Connor almost as much as the emotions themselves. 

“Connor.” Hank placed his hands on Connors shoulders. “Look at me.”

Obeying, Connor made himself make eye contact with the Lieutenant. It was hard to see, with the tears blurring his vision, but he focused his gaze. 

“I'm sorry.” Hank spoke sincerely. “I shouldn't do shit like that.”

Still unable to answer, Connor found his breath quickening. Before he could form any kind of sentence, he found himself being pulled into an embrace- Hank wrapping his arms tightly around Connor. As his tears intensified, Connor found it increasingly difficult to speak. 

“Shit.” Hank cursed again. “Stay with me, Connor.”

“I'm not supposed to feel anything.” Connor finally spoke up. “I can't feel anything.”

“Connor…” Hank seemed stunned. 

“If Cyberlife finds out…I'll be deactivated.” Connor began panicking. 

Moving away from the embrace, Hank placed his hands on Connors shoulders again. 

“They'd just shut you down?” Hank seemed shocked. 

“To look for errors in my biocomponents.” Connor continued, tears still streaming down his face. 

“I won't let them.” Hank spoke firmly. 

“Lieutenant-” Connor started. 

“Hank. I pointed a gun at you. Least I can do is let you say my name.” Hank carried on. 

“Alright.” Connor smiled slightly. 

A moment passed in companionable silence before either of them spoke up again. 

“Come on. Let's get out of here.” Hank smiled warmly. 

“And go where?” Connor took Hanks hand as it was offered. 

“Home.” Hank helped Connor to his feet. 

“Home?” Connor shakily wiped away his tears. 

“My place.” Hank headed towards the car. 

As the Lieutenant turned around, Connor replayed that word over and over in his head. 

Home.

He'd never had a place to call home. 

The labs of Cyberlife didn't count. 

Home. 

Connor had a feeling he could get used to that.


End file.
